Let’s face it: There is something very, very wrong with a lot of kids today. It seems as though there are hordes of young psychopaths running around, wreaking havoc on others.
Two recent examples, and the reasons that I refer to these young people as psychopaths, are the “Knockout Game” in which a mob of youths target a random victim and punch him or her in the face, hoping to knock them unconscious with one blow, and the boy in Texas who got away with the murder of 4 innocent people because he was too wealthy to be punished like a normal person would have been.
Psychopathy is defined as either an aspect of personality or as a personality disorder, characterized by enduring dissocial or antisocial behavior, a diminished capacity for empathy or remorse, and poor behavioral controls or fearless dominance. (source)
Lots of research has been done exploring whether psychopaths are born or created by circumstances. In the case of these teens, I believe that our society has created them. They have been raised with an entitlement mentality. They have parents who either ignore them and are not present, or who give in to every whim and constantly try to give them the “wow” factor, forever upping the ante with bigger and better gifts and experiences. Kids, even those who are mainly ignored and neglected are still constantly stimulated with television programs, movies, the internet, and cell phones. Even the youngest children have electronic gadgets for their entertainment. Their needs are met electronically and this removes the very vital element of empathy from their lives.
When every day is a trip to Disneyworld, how are you going to be satisfied with climbing a tree and finding animals in the clouds that float by?
When your entertainment consists of stealing cars, running down hookers, and shooting into crowds of people, like one popular video game, how will you be entertained by going skating or taking a walk in the woods?
I came across an article about the Christmas wish lists in 1913 versus this year’s wish lists, and I believe that the list says it all. The differences illustrated in these two lists define our society, then and now.
In 1913, the yearned-for items were mostly simple ones. Many of them could be homemade by a loved one who cared enough to take the time to do so. The toys on the lists were “imagination toys” that required kids to playact scenarios in their minds.
1. Candy
2. Nuts
3. Rocking horse
4. Doll
5. Mittens/gloves
6. Toy train
7. Oranges
8. Books
9. Handkerchiefs
10. Skates
Fast forward to 2013. The most popular toys on the list are electronic stuffed animals that dispense affection and companionship on command. Personally, the only items on this list I would have ever gotten my kids were the dollhouse, the Nerf Gun, the Ninja Turtle figures, and the Lego.
1. Furby Boom
4. Flying Fairy
8. Nerf Gun
9. Ninja Turtles
10. Lego
When you are forever seeking a greater “wow” factor in your belongings and your experiences, you’re doomed to either be completely unsatisfied or to turn into the kind of little psychopath that we see every time we look at the news. If you are always looking for some type of excitement and stimulation that tops the last episode, then you will never be content with simplicity. If you look to your electronic devices for companionship and entertainment, you can’t fully develop a love and empathy for your fellow man. Those random people on the street simply become a character in the video game that is your life, and causing them pain and harm means as little to you as pushing the buttons on your video game controller.
This Christmas, instead of going broke and focusing on the number of extravagant packages under the tree, focus on experiences. Focus on small simple things that you can’t buy from the store. Homemade candy and cookies. Singing Christmas carols together. Going out with hot cocoa and looking at Christmas lights in a brightly decorated neighborhood. Have a snowball fight.
Children who grow up with traditions and with families who are present do not grow up to punch innocent strangers in the face or mow down pedestrians without regard. They develop qualities like empathy and kindness. They become productive members of society.
Great post!
Kids should be practicing critical thinking skills by using their imaginations, exploring the great outdoors and being immersed in social activities. All I see anymore (adults are also guilty of this) is eyes and fingers on electronic gadgets EVERYWHERE we go! Restaurants, coffee shops, malls, grocery store check outs, public rest rooms(yuck), the work place and even cross walks(duh!) It feels as if the world is polluted with people who have NO common courtesy, compassion or tact, because they have the ME, ME, ME mentality and are busy texting or playing some stupid game which surely is more important than real face to face experiences with other people, right?! *sarcasm*
I fully agree with Getagrippeople. I am sick to death of people, young and old, on their cell phones virtually all the time. I hate to hear their conversations and you can’t away from them no matter where you go. Most people today are so caught up in themselves and the latest electronic equipment. I grieve over the state of people today and it makes me want to resign from the human race. Whatever happened to manners, consideration, respect, compassion, ethics, morals, etc etc etc? These values seem to be very few and far between and I find that very distressing. Look at our government, so much corruption and they are our “leaders” (!?!) and it makes me sick how our great country has fallen due to people like them in high places. I grieve for humanity, our country and the world today.
Get a grip, etc: totally agree, I saw this slow trend of materialism in the 70’s, kids bragging on what they got and how much their parents paid for their gifts. Showing off to friends. I have much given up on adults that are loser parents (kids rule), also adult phone freaks out in public, are not aware of their surroundings or focused on their errands. In stores they are blabbing away, wasting time, etc. Even kids from more conservative upbringing get into trouble w/ drinking parties, DUI’s. etc. to incl preachers kids! (in church regular) and the parents are thus labeled losers and hypocrites and friends leave them, the church,, to incl some relatives. Glad we are childfree. Teens today won’t mow lawns for spending money or clean their rooms, garage, etc. lazy slackers, don’t show appreciation, (with few exceptions). sorry generations, many adults still w/parents and parents supporting them.
Whatever our reasons for celebrating the season, it is an opportunity to focus on compassion for our fellow man, be thankful for our blessings, re evaluate our priorities and take responsibility in setting good examples to our children and being vested in their lives.
Another great post from you. I’m glad I found your blog a few months ago…I agree with so much that I’ve seen you write that I believe we may have been seperated at birth. 🙂
Too many people and now their children, are ‘connected’ to their gadgets instead of people. It is so annoying to get together with friends and family and have so many staring at their phones, tablets, ipads, etc. and not enjoying the people that are actually in the room. My husband and I are the oddballs of the group that actually turn our phones off when we get together with others.
Good post.
My daughter is not spoiled like this. She is 14 and does not have Xbox, Nintendo Wii, or a cell phone. We don’t subscribe to any cable or wireless TV. The only electronics she has is a keyboard kindle (she got 2 years ago for Christmas ago) and a Nintendo DS lite (she’s had since 8 years old). For Christmas she asked for a couple of books, a stuffed animal (that looks like her dog that passed away), a basket of treats (cookies, chocolate, crackers, cheese), and $20 or whatever I can spare for spending. We don’t normally eat lots of sweets or processed foods that’s why she asked for a treat basket. I put it together myself because I buy the best quality I can find. So her basket of food includes good quality chocolate, variety of cookies, variety of organic crackers, non-hormone cheese, organic jam, rice chips, a chocolate chip cookie mix (I put together in a jar), peanut butter filled pretzels, a can of natural soda, and more. The whole basket cost less than $40.
I did buy her things she didn’t ask for including a small portable first aid kit (she has complained about her kit being too small. Yes, my 14 year old likes to carry a first aid kit), $20 gift card to buy kindle books, a makeup box with Burt’s Bees lip gloss, blush brush, and facial scrub, a wrist watch (her’s broke but she didn’t ask for another), her own blow dryer, pajamas and a plaid shirt. Although I buy her clothes during the year when she needs them, I buy her something at Christmas that is a little more than I would usually spend. All cost just under $200. She will love everything she gets. She always does. 🙂
Excellent post! I have been asking these same questions for several years now. I ACTUALLY miss the “old days”!
We have a grateful daughter. It is difficult when it comes to her birthday & Christmas b/c she NEVER really asks for anything. Yes, she has the basic electronics in her room (she is 28 & a special needs young lady). She uses her computer to keep in touch with friends, especially friends in the military &/or their family members. She never abuses the privileges that she has & she has earned the right to have what she does by always showing an attitude of gratitude.
When it is her birthday, she savors every present that she receives no matter how great or small. This year when we were ready to open gifts, she requested that her Dad & I open our gifts FIRST.
Many of her gifts were personalized homemade things that she will treasure for years to come. Whatever she gets she is always appreciative. She always makes sure to thank the giver either by phone or in a written Thank You note. (We started the thank you notes when she was old enough to write & the tradition has continued.)
We are not poor by any means, or I don’t consider us poor. We have a nice modest home, nice clothes that you would never know came from “bargain shopping” & all the food we need. We rarely eat “out”. I like to at least “know” how my food is being cooked! 🙂
We don’t have “smart phones”, we have basic prepaid cellphones to use for emergency & staying in touch when one of us is out on the road.
I would bargain shop even if our budget didn’t necessitate it, it’s FUN to get the MOST bang for a buck which really takes some planning these days!
It gives me hope & encouragement to know that I am not the only one who feels the way this writer does.
What is wrong with kids today stems from their parents, assuming they are together. The family breakup leaves kids on their own. The family is more fractured now than then….
The problem with kids today is the lack of God and the 10 commandments in their lives and in society.
Of course, then victims of these crimes and their onlookers should be armed and prepared for god knows what random situation might present itself. An armed public creates a difficult problem in the minds of those who would do these knock out games. The very real possibility of getting shot should serve as a more effective deterrent than anything else.
I often go to a local cafe with a book & spend some hours there. My children & grandchildren are long grown. I see Too many children acting up & whining. They are not asked to say please or thankyou. The parents spend a ridiculous ammount of time texting & talking on their phones. The children become restless or whine for attention. The parents toss words at them without looking away from their phones. They will say stop doing… I.E.making a mess on the table via drinking with a straw. The child who feels ignored continues & the parent rattles off the threat again & again. There is no follow through, the child is obviously used to this game so the words just go through one ear & out the other so everyone ends up unhappy. To me this is blatant child abuse. Frankly I would like to grab the parent by the scruff of their neck & force them to look at their children. Its not the childrens fault that they are rude, appear selfish & always wanting something, when parents will give them anything except treat them like little humans with a brain. This is even worse when there is only one child…the child has no one to support them
My husband and I have had a lot of discussions about this, as we raise our little guy.
Besides the over use of electronics which leads to the lack of quality social interaction, and the constant bombardment of violence/gratuitous sex/poor moral decisions in what is called entertainment these days, we’ve noticed that too many parents find it easier to just be friends with their children, as opposed to actually parenting them. It is easier to give into your child’s every whim and command, but you are not teaching them social/personal boundaries and good morals by doing so.
We are trying very hard to focus on traditions, as opposed to what is under the tree, even though the concept of Christmas is still not quite there with an almost two year old. We know that even this will be a struggle, because his cousins and other relatives do not have this way of thinking, and have been given whatever they want, when they want it. I mean, one relative had carnival-like games and rented a food truck their son’s 1st birthday. We had a small family gathering at home for our son’s 1st.
Breanne, stick to your plan sweetie. When your little guy is all grown up, he will reward you many times over for being his “parent”, not his buddy. I’m not saying that you can’t be both, but they need to learn that with “actions come reactions”. They need to know that they can come to us with any problem or situation, but they need boundaries to help them grow & develop into a civilized productive member of society.
I have been married for almost 32 yrs & this year for Christmas, I gave my mother-in-law a framed quote…..
“Thank You for raising the man of my dreams…..
A man who respects & honors his Mother, is a prime example of how he will treat his wife of the future…….
Raise a child that you will never wonder if people are saying behind your back, “THANK GOODNESS, I DON’T HAVE TO BE AROUND THAT LITTLE MONSTER VERY OFTEN”!
I have cut ties with friends who had children that were nothing more than ungrateful spoiled brats.
I did not raise a child like that & I am not required to tolerate that type of behavior from some other persons “off spring”.
I don’t follow this. In 1913 everything on the list WAS high tech toys of the day. Sure as tech advanced, kids wants changed, but do the same list with 1813 and 1913 and I’ll bet you get similar results.
Oranges and candy were hi-tech?!? Nuts? Books? Dolls?? All were available 200 or more years before though the dolls have advanced and books have fancier covers. Other than that people are supposedly becoming hyperfeminized so why all of the violence and suicides if not for the fact that they are on their cells and social networks 27 hrs./day where previously you had to actually run across a testosterone head to get threatened and few ended up letting them drive them to suicide! Parents on drugs and hormones that feminize maybe make those less tolerant to insults, but mostly it’s too much of a “good” thing too much of the time!
I have come to the conclusion that the 1860’s was the beginning of a consumer based society. While not everyone could afford what they wanted, the goal was to purchase that item in the future. During the American Civil War, Proctor and Gamble gave the soldiers soap. They went home to their families extolling the virtues of this great product. The rest is history.
The list doesn’t say if the candy was home made or purchased. It could have been either, but it wasn’t high tech. Rocking horses could have been hand made, but they were around well before 1913. Dolls are not high tech. I even had a composite head on one of my dolls. Kewpie dolls were made out of cellulose. Knitting has been around a long time. If I remember correctly, there is a painting of a knitting Madonna dated in the 1400’s? A toy train was not a model train and could have been wind up. Very complicated, automatons have been around since the 1700’s and 1800’s. I have seen them run perfectly in a museum. I was very impressed. I still have my great uncle’s juvenile books dated 1913. No kidding. Before the 1900’s paper was made out of rags. These books have too much acid and are falling apart. It was a change of technology to decrease cost to the commoner. I think cloth handkerchiefs are nicer than paper, but in the 40’s, Kleenex ran a campaign to convince people “Don’t carry a cold in your pocket.” My mother mentioned it a lot over the years. Roller skates, the “rocking” four wheeled kind that we are all familiar with, was invented in 1863. Industry made goods cheaper for the working class to purchase.
I love to look up this type of information. Maybe you would find it fun as well.
My mother was born in 1914. She is still alive today and living on her own. She is absolutely amazing. Some of the best times she can have is remembering her childhood. She often tells how an uncle of hers would stay behind on Christmas Eve when the rest of the family went to church. When they came home “Santa” had been there and put up the tree. It was just a bush cut down from somewhere on the property and under it were sacks of oranges and some candies. Maybe some new socks and a small hand made toy. Nothing extravagant at all. She clearly treasures those memories and I find them fascinating. Simple pleasures are the best memories. Oh, how I wish we could return to a simpler time. Those that lived it will soon be gone. If there is an older person in your life, please, please get them to tell you about how they grew up.
I only had one grandmother who was born 1892. I would consider her family’s lifestyle to be “middle class” during her formative years. For her, Christmas was a new wig for her doll. My mother was born 1925. Christmas was a one or two gifts, oranges, and nuts. It didn’t hurt that her grandfather worked for United Fruit! The only complaint my mother had about the holiday was the year her grandmother died right after the holiday. Her mother died when she was 1.5 yrs, and she and her sister lived with her grandmother, aunt and uncles. I always thought our family Christmases were nice. By today’s standards, they
were very very modest.
Supposedly, this quote came from Laura Ingalls’ mother. She wrote historical fiction, and took liberties in telling the stories. Whether her mother said this or not, being a thankful, grateful person increases the quality of life.
“The prairie looks so beautiful and gentle,” she said. “But I wonder what it will do next. Seems like we have to fight it all the time.” “This earthly life is a battle,” said Ma. “If it isn’t one thing to contend with it’s another. It always has been so, and it always will be. The sooner you make up your mind to that, the better off you are, and the more thankful for your pleasures.” ~ Little Town on the Prairie p. 89-90
All hope is not lost. As a New Jersey public school teacher, I see 10 year old girls still holding hands and skipping down the hallway. Daily, I see children dropping their books and a group of kids stopping to help. I see kids every day showing compassion, kindness and respect not only to each other but to us teachers as well. Yes, kids want iPads, video games and stuff, stuff, stuff, but they also want to be nurtured, valued and heard. The kids are our future and I see the potential in each and every student that I greet in the morning and wish a wonderful day in the afternoon.
We’re so old-fashioned around here. My husband is getting a new Thermos insulated mug from me and some thermal socks. My 6 & 8 year old boys are getting proper metal toolboxes because they are starting to build up their own tool collections. I was shocked that good toolboxes start at $50!
My 3 year old girl is getting a tea set, a colouring book and a new dress/bonnet for her dolly. My 1 1/2 year old is getting a handmade cloth dolly with two dresses and matching bonnets. (The doll and dresses are made by the same lady who makes our dresses, so the dollies will now dress like their “mamas”.) Oh, she gave the girls pretty little handkerchiefs today, and they were so thrilled.
No surprises for me – I just picked up 5 new dresses and we bought Rosetta Stone (French) for our homeschool, so I feel quite happy.
And that will be pretty much the extent of Christmas gifts. I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with my children. 🙂
We’re are old-fashioned too. We did “practical” gifts this year. (We exchanged presents early due to my oldest girl’s work commitments.) Kid 1 is a recent college graduate, so we went shopping for appropriate clothing for work and job interviews. Kid 2 is taking cosmetology courses along with her high school curriculum, so she got brushes and some specialty make-up items. Although it may seem to many like a let-down to get career-related gifts, both of my girls were delighted because they know spending large amounts of money means Mom had to save up for it. There were some smaller items like new calendars, a book each, a pair of earrings each, and some homemade candy, too. No electronic gizmos, no designer shoes, nothing outrageous.
The kids and adults are all on meds, synthetic food, synthetic vites, pumped with vaccines and went to shitty gov-run schools to be brainwashed. How can you expect them to think?!
Parents do not raise their children. The public school and the media raise our children. Face the facts.