Practicing Selflessness

By the author of Street Survivalism: A Practical Training Guide To Life In The City and The Ultimate Survival Gear Handbook

Another year has ended. It’s an appropriate time to address a topic that is good and beneficial to ourselves as well as others around us.

Do you feel life sucks right now? Perhaps overly anxious about the future? Maybe going through challenging times, struggling with financial or health problems, family issues, or just having a hard time coping with the barrage of crazy stuff going on everywhere?

First, know that you’re not alone. There’s no solace in that, but it helps to realize no one’s special and we all have our challenges and ordeals. Life isn’t fair and the universe doesn’t care, so we have to keep going and doing our best with what we have.

While there’s no silver bullet to most material or physical problems, much less to significant world issues, a lot can be done at the personal level to alleviate feelings of hopelessness and soul ailments. There’s religion, philosophy, hitting the gym, taking long walks, journaling—the list goes on.

And there’s practicing selflessness. 

That’s what I’m addressing today. Starting with an important distinction: being selfless is an attribute; practicing selflessness is an action. Both are altruistic and noble; however, donating our time and resources impact others much more. 

It’s backed up by anecdotal evidence as well as science to be good for the mind and the body, and also for the soul: every religion encourages charitable giving. Regardless of yours, or even if you have one, everybody has a spirit and practicing selflessness is good karma.

If you’re an atheist, it still applies: as Lincoln said, “When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that’s my religion.” He’s not talking about the afterlife, but here and now: no matter what, we feel healed and elevated when we make a difference to others.

Can practicing selflessness be a form of preparation? 

That’s a legitimate question, considering things mix up a little here. First off, if living in a bubble makes people soft, entitled, and alienated, it follows that getting close to suffering and hardship in any form has the opposite effect, so the short answer is ‘yes’.

Helping people already in an SHTF situation allows us to know and experience that thorny reality firsthand, which removes the edginess and builds a thicker skin, mental toughness, plus a host of other soft and hard skills.

However, getting close to suffering and hardship with the purpose of “toughening up” may sound a bit too self-serving. I get asked that occasionally, too, when discussing my street survival training, which is essentially that. 

Even though the primary goal of practicing selflessness is to try and help those in need, we can only achieve that if we improve ourselves first. So, though training and charitable work are two different things, practicing selflessness can be a means to accomplish both preparation and altruism.

How to start?

A few things worth knowing beforehand:

No activity worth something is entirely risk-free. 

We must balance things. Putting others before us can have adverse effects, so we must be careful. We can get scammed, taken advantage of, burn out, become anxious or depressed, or worse. I’ll return to that in a moment.

Not everyone has the same emotional and psychological structure, so getting close to suffering affects people differently. 

But for the majority, reaching out and acting to mitigate the suffering of others brings a certain mental and psychological toughness, and an acute awareness. Sharing that work with someone or a group can make things easier and more bearable, developing us as individuals.

I’ve gotten involved with individuals and groups who took advantage of my willingness and naïveté. 

Not all of them were badly intentioned. There are a lot of scammers and evil people out there, for sure, but also lots of good people who are just needy, damaged, scarred, or don’t know better. People can act wrongly even when they don’t mean it. Also, many want to be left alone – this is important to keep in mind so we don’t overstep or disrespect others!

Be open but careful, willing but wary, engaged but critical, and always aware—for your own good and that of others. 

Know your personality and limits, constantly evaluate yourself, your psychology, and your emotions, and keep control of your finances. Never become devoted to others at your own expense.

Look for other positive activities to balance things out. 

Take care of yourself first. We must maintain our sanity and strength to be able to give something out, or at one point, we’ll be the ones needing help and assistance. 

Don’t feel guilty if you get paid to help a group or institution. 

Just saying because I hear that all the time, usually from good hearted people with the best intentions. It’s still practicing selflessness, not everyone has time or resources to donate for nothing, so if getting paid makes it sustainable for you then all the better. We do what we can, the will and courage to act matters most.

Where to look for an opportunity to help

There’s no shortage of people, animals, groups, and institutions needing help all the time and everywhere. The assistance blank is always short. However, not everything is open to ordinary, untrained civilians, so it’s important to know beforehand or to seek capacitation (good skill building).

Still, there is a lot that can be done at any moment, anywhere.

If you’re good with social engineering or communicating with people, you may assist in a suicide prevention hotline, or give talks about your expertise to children. There are rescue groups in every city for those who love animals. If you’re into people, there are homeless groups, elderly houses, disabled shelters, etc. Expert in tactics and guns? Join a neighborhood watch. Love plants? Look for park conservation or a community garden. Everywhere we look, there’s something we can do for individuals or the community. 

These are just some examples. We don’t have to go too far or dig too deep to find someone in need. Maybe it’s someone just across your hall. I’m helping this old lady here who injured her knee and has mobility issues. It only takes a few minutes every day to me, but that makes a big difference in her life. Ask around if someone needs a hand getting groceries, picking something up, or organizing the house.

Charities

Charity demands preparation first. We must research which people or institutions are deserving of your time, material, or financial donations. Get references, and once you find the good ones, get in touch. 

There’s no harm in planning and threading carefully to ensure our efforts and resources aren’t lost or squandered and end up going to the right people and places. We also help by spreading the word so others can contribute.

When we research the who’s and what’s of charitable and voluntary work, we start to understand the realities of life, the hardships and pain of those suffering, and the self-sacrifice of those dedicated to helping.

Voluntary work

Giving out money or stuff can be easy, but engaging in voluntary work means giving out something more valuable than material goods: time and attention. 

When COVID-19 hit, I enlisted to help with the assembly of two makeshift hospitals in my town. I’m no doctor but have some experience building temporary structures. I could take the garbage out, clean rooms and hallways, push wheelchairs, or carry equipment. It didn’t go forward; the hospitals were empty, but that’s just to give an idea. 

Engaging in something we’re good at can make us more helpful and productive, so assess your abilities and look up like-minded, active people or groups. See if there’s a slot where you can help or try to organize something yourself. 

Pay it forward

This not the ‘pay-for-the-next-person-down-the-drive-thru-line’ mania that trends every now and then. That’s a zero-sum, social pressure nonsense that may brighten someone’s day but doesn’t change a thing in their life. People would be better off avoiding fast food anyway.

The idea is being alert to people who could use our support, then going out of our way to do something significant or impactful, setting the example and encouraging them to do the same for someone else down the line. Everybody has something to give, some way they can help someone.

Though a fictional example, the movie Pay It Forward (2000) presents a clear representation of the concept, and how it’s supposed to work.

Gratitude

None of the above has much value if we’re not grateful. However bad our situation might be, things could be worse. Whenever I feel sad about some setback or string of bad luck, I try to remind myself that I’m living in the best era of humankind.

The average middle-class urban dweller living in any country that isn’t a total shithole has a much better standard of living than kings and nobles of the past. That is expressed, among other things, by the average world life expectancy, which has grown from 45 years in 1950 to 73 years in 2023, according to the World Health Organization.

Not that I give these NGOs much credit, but that’s something visible and verifiable. We have hot showers, internet, antibiotics, advanced medicine, air conditioning, and sanitation. Babies don’t die on the first week, many cancers have treatment, and so on. 

Humankind has undoubtedly not eliminated wars, famine, disasters, and evil. That will never happen. Today, it feels like we’re going backward, and in some ways, we are, but evolution is never linear. Expecting that to go on forever without bumps and setbacks is unreasonable. We should be grateful all the time.

Getting cheated is part of practicing selflessness. 

As I said, people can be deceitful and mean, even ones that depend on the charity of others. Some are real players, I mean professionals. I’m constantly crossing paths with some homeless, drug addict, or destitute folk who are cynical, greedy, needy, narcissistic, focused on taking advantage of the kindness of others without a speck of moral or consciousness.

Sometimes, I still help them by sharing a cup of coffee and chatting or lunch. I understand many act like that from bad character, or a rough upbringing. There are all kinds of people in all walks of life. 

Also, life in the streets is pure survival, for most there’s no place for morals or kindness: if they see an opportunity, they grab it and don’t look back.  

I can’t tell you what to do when you encounter someone trying to take advantage of your goodwill; only what I do: move on and start over. We must keep in mind it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. That’s no reason to stop but to persevere and even double our efforts.

“If there’s a will, there’s a way.”

There are many forms which we can practice selflessness and help others. These are but a few ideas. It doesn’t have to be full-time, or even part-time, it’s just a matter of integrating this practice into our life.

I’ll end up with a short but positive and beautiful message I came across on X/Twitter not long ago. It’s from good guy Zuby (@ZubyMusic) and relates well with this topic so I find worth sharing.

What are your thoughts?

Do you go out of your way to help others? Why or why not? Do you have some other examples of ways you can build selflessness? Let’s discuss it in the comments section.

About Fabian

Fabian Ommar is a 50-year-old middle-class worker living in São Paulo, Brazil. Far from being the super-tactical or highly trained military survivor type, he is the average joe who since his youth has been involved with self-reliance and outdoor activities and the practical side of balancing life between a big city and rural/wilderness settings. Since the 2008 world economic crisis, he has been training and helping others in his area to become better prepared for the “constant, slow-burning SHTF” of living in a 3rd world country.

Fabian’s ebook, Street Survivalism: A Practical Training Guide To Life In The City , is a practical training method for common city dwellers based on the lifestyle of the homeless (real-life survivors) to be more psychologically, mentally, and physically prepared to deal with the harsh reality of the streets during normal or difficult times. He’s also the author of The Ultimate Survival Gear Handbook.

You can follow Fabian on Instagram @stoicsurvivor